Elul Messages 5780

10 Elul 5780 / 30 August 2020

One subject at the forefront of our minds this summer has been connection. From deep personal connections to casual conversations, even our internet connections have been important, now perhaps more than ever before!
 
In Jewish tradition, we are taught that the mitzvot (commandments, things we are supposed to do and ways we are supposed to behave) can be discussed as two overall types: mitzvot bein adam l’chavero (mitzvot between one person and another) and also mitzvot bein adam l’makom (mitzvot between a person and the Divine). Likewise, when it comes time to repent, there are mistakes that require an apology and reparations to another human being, and mistakes that are considered between us and the Divine. T’shuvah bein adam l’makom (repentance between a person and the Divine) is part of the inner work we do culminating in the s’lichot (confessional prayers) we say on Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. (Of course, as with all things, Judaism encourages us to do that work whenever it is needful and not to save it all up just for once a year!) T’shuvah bein adam l’chavero (repentance between one person and another), however, can only be accomplished by recognizing how we have wronged others, apologizing, promising to do better, and then following through on our promises. All those steps can be challenging, but actually changing our interpersonal behavior can sometimes be the most challenging of all.
 
For some of us, the challenges of this year may have shown us more clearly than ever before where our growing edges are, pushing us and showing us things we were putting off that we couldn’t put off any more. And yet, since so many of the challenges we have faced specifically impact our connections with other people, many of us have been left without the usual support networks which help us do the work of self-improvement, keep us honest, keep us motivated and energized to become the best possible version of ourselves. For so many of us, dealing with anxiety, stress, change-aversion, loneliness, inflexibility, addictions, our tempers, and a myriad of other issues quickly elevated from “I’m chipping away at this issue and I have my coping mechanisms” to “this is suddenly in my face 24/7 and I have no idea how to manage it.”
 
Know that you are not alone. It has become a popular truism to say that we are “alone together,” but the truth is that sometimes being alone just feels like being alone, even if we know there are many others in similar boats. To combat this sense of isolation, I remind myself that connection can take many forms. Sometimes the connections we make can be surface level (a common interest we both share, casual conversation), and other times the connections we make can be profound (Who am I, really? What am I struggling with? What do I believe and why do I believe it?) and all these connections are valuable.
 
As part of our work this Elul, I challenge us all to explore these new and evolving ways to form/strengthen connections. Sometimes the thing holding us back from seeking connections at this time is that we are not able to do so in the same ways we are used to. Maybe now we don’t have the energy or availability for the long, one-on-one, in-person, engaging conversations we prefer to have to get to know someone or catch up with them. That’s okay! It is possible to get to know someone or to check in with them in smaller bites if that is all we can do. Conversely, perhaps some of us have more social energy than we know what do with and scroll endlessly through social media seeking stimulation. Amazing! I encourage saving some of that energy for building direct, personal connections with others.
 
There are many resources out there already to help people get started; just search for “pen pal ideas” to find some. Here are just a few:
• buy a stack of postcards and send them to friends and relatives as a “thinking of you”
• come up with a list of basic questions to ask others about themselves and begin a dialogue with them answering the same questions about ourselves via emails, texts, phone calls, video calls, letters, or postcards, as long or short as we want them to be
• start a collaborative art project with someone and each draw or color a portion of it, sending it back and forth
• agree to watch/read/listen to the same TV show, movie, blog, book, podcast, music, etc. and then have a chat about it
• challenge ourselves and someone else in our life to a fitness challenge
• send photos of specific items or objects to each other on a daily or weekly basis

As one example, if you like flowers, I invite you to look at my Shabbat Shalom Flowers album on facebook. This has been one way over the summer for me to connect with all of you each Shabbat outside of services.
 
There are many ways for us to seek and develop connections with others, even in times like ours. As we explore these options, let us keep in mind the work we need to be doing during Elul, and ideally all year-round, and how we can prioritize the connections in our lives which support the work we need to do in order to be our best self. This will likely be different for each of us, as we are all unique. May we all be blessed this Elul with the courage, strength, and self-love to pursue our growing edges, no matter how uncomfortable it makes us, and to open ourselves to the connections around us which can help support us on this journey.
 
Shanah Tovah, 
Cantor Sarah Beck-Berman