As we entered Elul last week, the Rabbi encouraged us to embrace our full potential, and show up fully in the present. But how can we accomplish this, especially if it is something that we struggle with and do not do all the time? One applied Jewish value which can help us work toward this goal is cultivating kindness.
Kindness shows up in all kinds of ways in our lives. Kindness can be about using our energy to make others feel welcome, like Abraham welcoming his guests, and kindness can also be the more general concept reflected in the “central” commandment from the Torah, Love Your Neighbor as Yourself. One could argue that this embodied value is considered the most important one in Jewish tradition, perhaps because it is so deceptively hard to do in a balanced and constructive way. Have you ever tried being kind to the person who cut you off on the highway? Or being kind to someone with whom you vehemently disagree about something you consider essential? Even being kind to someone whom we love can be challenging if they catch us at a bad time.
Those are all examples of external kindness: things that require us to look for opportunities to expend our energy, time, and resources in support of others. There is another aspect of kindness that we should also consider, however, and that is kindness which is internal. I think of internal kindness as being kind in my thoughts, which will in turn affect my external kindness. This can mean employing the Jewish value of giving others the benefit of the doubt when it is sensible to do so, but it can also mean treating myself with kindness, and holding myself to the same standards that I hold other people. If I hold others to exceedingly high standards and am never satisfied with them, but I do not examine my own mistakes and try to improve myself, then I am not acting with internal kindness. If, on the other hand, I hold myself to a very harsh standard and am very hard on myself, but am very understanding and compassionate toward others, then in this case too I am not acting with internal kindness.
Finally, any scenario in which we are too harsh or judgmental or lack kindness and consideration for ourselves or others would be considered out of balance in Jewish tradition. There is no Jewish commandment which says, “you shall vent forth your anger at people who are wrong” but there is one which says, “love your neighbor as yourself.” It is so easy to be frustrated, with ourselves or with others. It is so much harder to take a breath, release the feelings of frustration, and approach a situation with kindness.
This Elul, I hope you will choose to develop kindness, and make choices on the basis of kindness. It doesn’t mean being a doormat; it just means giving ourselves and the rest of the world a fair shot.
Shanah Tovah!
Cantor Sarah Beck-Berman
Cantor & B'nei Mitzvah Coordinator
Congregation Beth Ahabah
